Masturbation Isn’t a Stand-In. It’s Its Own Thing.
New research shows that solo sex isn’t just compensation—it’s a stable, regular occurence that part of many people’s sexual lives, shaped by fantasy, rhythm, and internal cues more than relationship status.
What If Masturbation Wasn’t About What’s Missing?
For years, the dominant narrative has gone something like this: if you’re masturbating a lot, something must be off—maybe your relationship, maybe your confidence, maybe your access to intimacy. Solo sex has been framed as a substitute. A fallback. A second-best option when partnered sex isn’t available or satisfying.
But a sweeping new longitudinal study challenges that assumption. Tracking more than 2,500 people from age 19 to 50, researchers found that masturbation doesn’t merely rise or fall in reaction to partnered sex. In fact, for many people, it’s remarkably steady over time. What’s more, those patterns often hold even as they enter relationships, become parents, or experience life-altering shifts in desire.
The conclusion? Masturbation is more than just compensation. It’s often a form of autonomous expression—guided by inner rhythms, fantasy, stress regulation, and routine. In short: solo sex might not be about what’s missing. It might be about what’s real.
If you are curious about an average frequency, here is what other research has shown. A study of 2,034 men indicated that 41.2% of respondents reported masturbating 1 to 2 times per week while nearly a quarter (21.6) indicated never masturbating and 14.2% reported solo pleasure more than four times per week.
The Myth of Compensation
It’s long been assumed that masturbation fills a void. That when sex with a partner is scarce or unsatisfying, people turn to themselves to make up the difference. This belief—called the compensatory model—has been the default explanation in sex research and pop psychology alike.
But the new data tells a more complicated story.
For men especially, masturbation frequency remained stable across decades. Even when accounting for whether someone was in a relationship or having frequent sex with a partner, their solo habits didn’t fluctuate dramatically. If masturbation were simply a symptom of needing to get some needs met, we’d expect dramatic dips when relationship satisfaction increased—and sharp spikes when it declined. That’s not what the data shows.
What it did find is that for many people, masturbation exists in its own lane. It can complement a healthy sex life, persist through dry spells, and remain consistent through life’s big milestones—suggesting it’s not simply reactive, but independently meaningful.
An Autonomous Practice
Enter the autonomous model—a view of masturbation as its own behavior, with its own rhythms and drivers. According to this model, people don’t always masturbate because they’re not having sex with someone else. They do it because it feels good. Because it helps them relax. Because it’s part of their weekly—or daily—routine. Because it offers access to parts of themselves that aren’t always available in a shared experience.
This study supports that view. One of its strongest findings was the link between sexual fantasizing and masturbation frequency. People who fantasized more—about bodies, erotic experiences, or sexual play—tended to masturbate more, regardless of whether they had a partner or how often they had sex. Fantasy, not frustration, was often the fuel.
And solo sex wasn’t just for the single. Even those in long-term relationships, or those with frequent partnered sex, maintained stable solo patterns. That alone dismantles the idea that masturbation is merely a workaround. It’s often a fully formed practice, shaped by internal life rather than external shortage.
What This Means in a Relationship
One of the most persistent myths—especially in heteronormative culture—is that masturbation within a relationship signals dissatisfaction. That if you’re still touching yourself, it must mean your partner isn’t meeting your needs.
This study paints a very different picture.
For many women, masturbation frequency increased into their 30s—often during the same period they were in long-term relationships and becoming parents. For men, solo sex remained consistent regardless of partnered sex frequency. In fact, controlling for how much sex someone had with a partner didn’t significantly change the trajectory of their masturbation habits.
That matters. It suggests that masturbation isn’t inherently oppositional to relational intimacy. It can coexist with closeness, connection, and even deep sexual fulfillment. Sometimes it’s about privacy. Sometimes it’s about regulation. Sometimes it’s about fantasy that exists outside of real-life desire. And sometimes, it’s just familiar and easy.
Whatever the reason, solo sex doesn’t always compete with partnered sex. It can be something entirely different—and equally valid.
When Things Do Shift (And Why That’s Normal)
That said, masturbation habits can change—and often do. For women, the study showed a gradual increase into their early 30s, followed by a small decline. For men, the trajectory was flatter, but when researchers accounted for sexual fantasizing and partnership status, more subtle shifts emerged.
Childless participants—regardless of gender—tended to masturbate more frequently in young adulthood, with greater declines later. Religious affiliation had some effect for women, but not for men. Non-heterosexual participants across genders reported consistently higher frequencies.
What these patterns suggest is that masturbation evolves. It doesn’t always respond to external events like we expect, but it does reflect larger life themes: identity, stress, routine, autonomy, shifting priorities. It may increase as someone explores their sexuality. It may fade temporarily during high-demand phases of life. It may return in new forms when intimacy with others feels complicated.
But rarely does it disappear altogether. And its presence, at any stage, isn’t a red flag. It’s a sign that someone still wants to be in relationship—with themselves.
Final Thoughts: Solo Sex, Without Shame
If you’ve ever questioned your masturbation habits—how often, how little, what it means—this research offers some helpful context.
You’re not doing it wrong. You’re not alone.
Masturbation isn’t always a signal of unmet needs. Sometimes it’s a reminder of presence. A practice of tuning in. A reliable source of pleasure in a world full of demands.
You don’t need to justify it. And you don’t need to explain it away.
It doesn’t have to be a stand-in.
It can just be its own thing.
If you do find that your masturbation or porn habits may be problematic you may want to browse this article: Signs and Symptoms of Porn Addiction
