Why More Men Are Choosing Coaching
And what really happens when they do
The stories below are fictionalized, based on real coaching experiences — any identifying details have been changed to ensure privacy and confidentiality.
Maybe you’ve Googled “Am I addicted to porn?” or “Why can’t I stop watching?”
Maybe you’re not even sure you want to stop — just that something feels off.
You’re not alone. And you’re not broken.
More and more men are turning to coaching as a space to unpack what’s really going on beneath the surface. Not because they’re trying to earn a gold star for abstinence — but because they’re ready to feel more in control, more connected, and more alive.
James, 36 — Hiding Behind the Screen
James had been married for over a decade. He loved his wife. But he also couldn’t stop lying to her.
Late at night, when she was asleep, James would go online — not out of lust, but out of habit. It was easier than risking real intimacy. The porn was just the tip of the iceberg. Underneath was hiis avoidance, guilt, and a growing sense of self-disgust.
James didn’t want to “quit porn” for purity’s sake. He wanted to stop hiding. Coaching gave him space to unpack the uncomfortable feelings he was avoiding — and the tools to rebuild honesty and presence in his marriage.
Daniel, 29 — The Pressure of the Corporate Ladder
Daniel wasn’t an executive — yet. He was trying to prove himself at work, chasing performance reviews, working long hours. Nights blurred into Netflix and tabs he didn’t talk about. Porn was a way to come down, zone out, and forget how behind he felt.
But the dopamine loop started catching up with him. He found it harder to focus. His sleep sucked. And he noticed how quickly he reached for porn the moment life felt stressful.
Coaching didn’t shame him. It helped him understand what he was trying to soothe — and how to build decompression routines that didn’t leave him feeling worse the next day.
Leo, 24 — Navigating Desire and Identity
Leo wasn’t confused about his sexuality. He was bisexual and comfortable with that — at least in theory.
But growing up in a small, conservative town meant there were a lot of layers to work through. Porn had been his first — and only — space to explore desire. Over time, it became his primary outlet for emotional and erotic expression.
He wasn’t watching anything extreme. But he started to feel stuck. Detached. A little numb.
Coaching wasn’t about turning him into someone else. It was about learning to be true to himself and own who he was, regardless of how others might react or what they might say. He was able to find a new grounded confidence and found he no longer needed porn to soothe his anxiety.
Evan, 38 — From Rebellion to Regret
Evan grew up in a strict religious household. Sex was shameful. Masturbation was a sin. And porn? Unthinkable.
So when he left home in his early 20s, he did what many do: he swung hard in the other direction. Nothing was off-limits. He finally had control — or so he thought.
Years later, Evan wasn’t sure who he was anymore. He didn’t recognize the habits he’d formed. And worse, the old guilt came roaring back. Every time he opened his browser, it felt like both rebellion and self-punishment.
Coaching helped him deconstruct that binary. To reclaim pleasure, without shame. To stop being at war with himself. To find his own beliefs and spirituality, that pleasure didn’t have to mean guilt and they was nothing morally shameful about sex.
What They All Had in Common
These stories aren’t the same. Different ages. Different backgrounds. Different relationships to porn.
But beneath the surface, they shared key themes:
- Using porn to soothe, not satisfy
- Feeling shame or secrecy around their habits
- Wanting more than just abstinence or behavioral control
- Longing for reconnection — with self, with partners, with desire
And most importantly?
They all benefited from a confidential, shame-free space to explore what was really going on. A space without judgment. Without “purity tests.” Without apps that tracked streaks but ignored the human being behind the habit.
That space — for emotional intelligence, honest self-inquiry, and real change — is what Reclaim Mode exists to offer.
✋ Wondering Where You Stand?
Take the free Reclaim Mode Self-Assessment — a reflection tool that helps you understand your patterns and begin the journey of reconnection.
Or visit the Reclaim Mode Manifesto to learn what we stand for.
Brendan Abbott is a men’s coach and emotional wellness strategist helping guys who feel stuck in their habits, lost in shame, or unsure where to begin. His work blends neuroscience, psychology, and real talk — no purity myths, no judgment, no BS. Just a smarter path forward.
